Saturday 10 October is World Mental Health Day. You'll see plenty of posts telling you to "reach out" and "check in". Good advice, but a lot of people don't really know what that looks like in real life.
In a lot of Chinese households, nobody sits you down and asks if you're okay. Someone just turns up with a pot of soup. One of the most common greetings in Chinese is "Have you eaten yet?" It isn't really about food. It means "I'm thinking about you".
This post is about that idea: food as a way of looking after people. It covers how to check in on someone who's struggling, three easy things you can cook and drop round, and where to point someone if they need more than soup.
Food Is How a Lot of People Say It
Chinese families cook for each other at every big moment. There are soups for new mums (we covered those in our post on traditional postpartum recovery soups), soups for students in exam season, soups for anyone who looks tired or a bit off. Older relatives often find it easier to fill your fridge than to talk about feelings.
The soup itself isn't magic. What matters is what it says: someone noticed you, thought about you and gave up an afternoon for you. For someone who's having a hard time, that can mean more than any message.
Let's Be Honest About What Food Can't Do
No soup, herb or ingredient treats depression, anxiety or any other mental health condition. That includes everything we sell. Eating regularly and having people around you is good for anyone. But if you or someone close to you is struggling, they need proper support from people trained to give it. The help section at the bottom of this post is the most important part of it.
How to Check In on Someone
If you're worried about a friend, family member or colleague, here are a few things that help:
- Say what you've noticed. "You've seemed quiet lately" is easier to answer than "are you okay?"
- Ask twice. Most people say "I'm fine" the first time. Asking again, gently, shows you actually want to know.
- Listen more than you talk. You don't need to fix anything. Just letting someone talk is usually enough.
- Offer something specific. "Let me know if you need anything" puts the work on them. "I'm making soup on Thursday, I'll drop some round" doesn't.
- Keep going. One message isn't a check in. Follow up a week later.
Three Easy Things to Make and Drop Round
None of these need any skill. They all keep well, reheat easily and use cheap store cupboard ingredients.
1. Longan and Red Date Tea
This is the drink a lot of Chinese grandmothers make for anyone who looks worn out. It's naturally sweet, so it needs no sugar.
- 8 dried red dates, split open with a knife
- A small handful of dried longan (about 15g)
- A small handful of goji berries (optional)
- 1 litre of water
Put the red dates and longan in a pan with the water. Bring to the boil, then turn it down and simmer for 20 to 30 minutes. Add the goji berries for the last 5 minutes. Drink it warm. It keeps in the fridge for 3 days, so you can make a big batch and pour it into a flask or bottle to hand over. If you've never used red dates before, our guide to jujubes explains what to look for.
2. Lily Bulb and Lotus Seed Sweet Soup
Sweet soups (tong sui) are the Chinese version of a pudding you can eat with a spoon on the sofa. This one is light, mild and very easy.
- 30g dried lily bulb
- 50g dried lotus seeds
- 4 red dates, split
- 1.2 litres of water
- Rock sugar or honey to taste
Soak the lotus seeds for about 2 hours and the lily bulb for 30 minutes. If you see a little green sprout in the middle of any lotus seed, push it out, as it tastes bitter. Put everything except the sugar in a pan, bring to the boil and simmer for 40 minutes until the lotus seeds are soft. Sweeten to taste. It works hot or cold.
3. Simple Congee With Chinese Yam
Congee is plain rice porridge, and it's the food most Chinese people want when they don't feel like eating. It's soft, filling and easy to reheat.
- 100g white rice
- 1.5 litres of water or light stock
- A few slices of dried Chinese yam
- Toppings: spring onion, a splash of soy sauce, a few drops of sesame oil
Rinse the rice, then put it in a large pan with the water and yam. Bring to the boil, turn it right down and simmer for 1 to 1.5 hours, stirring now and then so it doesn't stick. It's ready when the rice has broken down into a thick porridge. Add the toppings when you serve it. For more versions, see our full congee guide.
A Few Tips for Dropping Food Round
- Use containers they don't have to give back. Returning a tub is one more job.
- Stick a label on with what it is and how to reheat it.
- Make it clear they don't have to invite you in or reply. Leaving it on the doorstep with a text is fine.
- Don't make it a one off. A pot every week or two says more than one big gesture.
And If It's You Who's Struggling
Let people look after you. If someone offers to cook, say yes. If you're finding it hard to eat properly, keep it simple: something warm and easy, little and often. Most importantly, tell someone how you're feeling, whether that's a friend, your GP or one of the services below.
Where to Get Help
- Samaritans: call 116 123, free, any time, day or night
- SHOUT: text SHOUT to 85258 if you'd rather not talk on the phone
- NHS 111: call 111 for urgent help (in England, choose the mental health option)
- Your GP: the best starting point for ongoing support
- Emergency: if someone is in immediate danger, call 999
FAQ
Do longan or red dates help with mental health?
No. They're traditional comfort ingredients in Chinese cooking because they're sweet, cheap and easy to use. They are not a treatment for anything. If you're struggling, speak to your GP or one of the services above.
What's the best food to bring someone who's having a hard time?
Something soft, simple and easy to reheat. Soups, congee and stews are ideal. Check for allergies first, and go for portions they can freeze.
What does "have you eaten?" mean in Chinese?
It's an everyday greeting, a bit like "how are you?" in English. It comes from a culture where feeding people is one of the main ways of showing you care.
This World Mental Health Day, think of one person you haven't heard from in a while. Send the message. Or better still, make the soup.